When the eternal optimist crumbles: Behind the scenes of being a real life fully feeling human.

I am an optimist to a fault.

Basically, if there is good to be found, I will find it–Silver-linings, always. Things don’t work out–something better is on way. I just have massive trust that things work for my good.

And then.
My world crumbled.

Like to the point where I wasn’t exactly sure that I even wanted to get out of bed.

I journaled.
I prayed.

But my normal ways to get unstuck and to move my energy weren’t working.

I just felt totally and completely fucked.

And angry about it.
And a little hopeless.
And sad.

I can’t give details yet, because the biggest part of this story is really not mine to tell, BUT I can say this: I had to take days hour by hour. (You know things are cray when you literally have to make decisions based on the HOUR!)

And it felt a little bit like it would never get better.

I started this post to talk about the daily miracles I’m currently seeing three months later (true), but what I really want to say is this:

  1. It’s wonderful to feel angry and to grieve.
    2. It’s also ok not to be able to see the silver lining.
    3. Ask for help. So much help–you are not an island.
    4. The quiet moments of grief are some of the most pure and beautiful emotion we feel as humans.
    5. Life REALLY does work FOR you–and you don’t even have to believe it OR see it for it to be true.And. You are endlessly loved.Truly and completely loved.

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